


Victory

by vands88



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Femslash February 2019, Friendship, Post Episode: s02e03 Point of Light, Unrequited Crush, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, five times fic, s02e03 Point of Light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 21:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17650238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vands88/pseuds/vands88
Summary: or, five times Tilly thought she liked girls (and one time she knew for sure)





	Victory

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick post-ep thing because that whole episode was hella gay and it's femslash feb and REALLY what's a girl to do
> 
> not beta'd - if you spot any blinding errors, shout!

I

“You’re amazing,” Michael says after the half-marathon. She touches Tilly’s shoulder and her smile is warm and beautiful and -

 _No, no, no, NO!_ Tilly’s thoughts interrupt. _Not the time._

There is a _person_ in her head or a _ghost_ or _something_ and she needs to complete the command training programme and there is absolutely no time to analyse why that smile made her stomach do a somersault. No time at all.

II

It’s as the fungus that used to be a person is floating in the space above them that the question really starts to reverberate in her head - _WHY_ May? Why did her subconscious choose a childhood friend that she only knew for six months? _Why?_

III

She’s staring. _Oh god,_ she’s staring and she should really stop. Tilly turns away from the crewmen and back to her synthesised meal, an embarrassed flush to her cheeks. The two women have been dating for _months_ and they were just _talking_ for crying out loud! Nothing noteworthy. Except… they looked really happy. Like, really happy.

Tilly pokes at her noodles with a fork and wonders if anyone will ever look at her that way.

IV

The dots connect an entire week after the incident. _Why her? Why May?_ she had thought, and her subconscious eventually provides the answer in the form of a dream. Well, more like a mash-up of memory and dream.

Tilly was sitting next to May in the park after school, and this happened, probably hundreds of times, but in the dream they were braiding bracelets out of flowers (and then food, and then fungi, because this is a dream and dreams don’t make sense) and the sky was pink and May turned to her and her eyes looked really pretty in the sunlight and then… May wrapped the bracelet around her wrist and her fingers lingered against the pulse point and Tilly blushed and looked into her eyes…

And then Tilly woke up, which was kinda devastating. Sure, that exact situation never happened. But the warm feeling she wakes up with feels familiar, as does the memory of May’s touch…

Tilly lies awake far longer than she should, trying to recall the memory.

V

Michael is a really good friend. Like, the best friend. She always puts aside her own time to help Tilly. She brings her water after exercise. She brings her chocolate when she’s stressing out about exams. She lets Tilly have her own space when she needs her own space, but is always somehow miraculously available whenever Tilly needs help, or a sounding board, or reassurance.

It hits Tilly like a ton of bricks, when Michael comes back to their room with an extra pastry one afternoon, that maybe Tilly isn’t being a good enough friend in return. Michael’s boyfriend is currently… well, _unavailable_ and Tilly should really be filling the void for companionship, just like Michael does for her.

So the next day, Tilly wakes up ridiculously early, just so she can get to the mess hall before Michael. She returns victorious and presents a steaming mug of tea to a bleary-eyed Michael. The stunning, confused, smile she gets in return kinda makes up for the twenty concerned questions that come afterwards.

+1

Tilly had a _dream_. The exciting, enticing, embarrassing kind of dream that kinda solidified the thoughts going round her head recently. The dream was her… and Michael… doing _things_.

Tilly woke up gasping and covered in sweat and _insanely_ turned on, and, worse, immediately realised that she had woken Michael in the process. Tilly swallowed her nerves, tried to remember how to breathe, and untangled herself from the sweaty sheets, muttering “nightmare” under her breath as an excuse before booking it to the shower.

Michael didn’t buy it. Of course she didn’t buy it. Tilly returns to the room, with a new set of PJs and damp, dripping hair, to find Michael waiting for her; cross-legged atop the bed, clearly ready for a 3am interrogation.

Tilly takes one look and accepts her fate. Michael won’t let her go back to sleep until she knows what’s wrong; she’s a good friend like that, and right now, that knowledge just makes this whole thing worse. Tilly slides down against the closed door, falling into a heap of shame on the floor.

She daren’t look up, but she hears Michael pad over to her in bare feet, and then feels her settle in beside her; far too close after what’s just happened in Tilly’s mind, but she’s not going to refute it. The closeness is kinda nice after all. Nice. And also really, really, bad.

“So…” Michael begins, and it’s both the worst and the best thing. “Are you going to tell me what’s been going on lately?”

Tilly cringes. Of course Michael has noticed she’s been acting weird. She looks as far away from Michael as she can in the small space and blurts, “I think I might like girls.”

After her declaration, there’s silence.

Tilly doesn’t know how to deal with silence, so she rambles, “Okay, so, no, I _know_. And I know it’s fine and it’s normal and even my mum is bi and she always said, ‘Tilly, you like who you like and that’s always okay’ but… I just feel really silly because I’m a grown woman and I didn’t even know, you know? How is it only _now_ that I’m realising that I like girls too? I just… thought I knew myself, but I guess I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong, Tilly,” Michael soothes and Tilly fights not to look at her. “It’s a long-established fact that sexuality can be fluid-”

Tilly shakes her head before Michael can go any further. “No, no, it’s not like that. I liked May - you know the ghost? The fungus? I think it chose that form because it knew May was my first crush or something and I was too _stupid_ to realise that myself. A _sentient space fungus_ knew I liked girls before I did, Michael.”

Michael raises an eyebrow probably at the term “sentient space fungus” and Tilly pretends she doesn’t notice. “Sometimes these things can be elusive even to our own selves.”

“Yeah?” Tilly sniffles, burrowing her face in her arms. “And what would you know about it?”

Michael shrugs in that vulcan-raised way of hers, causing their shoulders to rub together. “I have some experience in this field.”

This is unexpected. Tilly tilts her head on her knees, to better look at Michael. She’s staring vacantly at the far end of the room as if she’s suddenly not here at all. What is she remembering? Is she saying…?

Tilly mentally scolds herself. Of course Michael isn’t saying what she hopes she’s saying. The last thing she needs to do is indulge this hopeless crush. Michael’s probably just thinking about her human-slash-klingon boyfriend… that probably _would_ cause someone to re-evaluate things.

“So,” Michael says with a friendly smile, as if she hadn’t just been a thousand miles away, “Sylvia Tilly, you like girls. I’m proud of you.”

Tilly huffs in disbelief. It doesn’t feel like something to be proud about.

“You know more about yourself than you did yesterday, I would call that a victory.”

Tilly finally raises her head to look at Michael straight-on. Michael’s looking at her with a soft smile and sparkling eyes, like she genuinely is proud of her. Tilly puffs her chest in response, pride and love swelling within her, as if reflected from Michael herself. If Michael’s proud of her, then she must have done something good.

“Thank you,” Tilly says sincerely. She returns Michael’s smile and holds the gaze for a little while, letting herself imagine, just for a moment, that there’s something more than friendship behind those eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks folks! & i'm on [tumblr](http://vands88.tumblr.com/)


End file.
